In Memory of Bailey, Forever in My Heart

Today is both a sad day and a day of relief. I just arrived back home from having my wonderful beagle, Bailey, euthanized at the vet's office. Bailey was 15 years old and such an integral part of my family. Though she lived a long and happy life, losing her is still so very painful.
Bailey came to my family in the summer of 1999. I had a friend at the time, a police officer, who had found Bailey about a year before, walking along a highway, emaciated and in bad shape. He took her in, got her the care she needed, and gave her a home. Unfortunately for him, but fortunately for me and my daughters, my friend was transferring to a new department and could not take Bailey with him. He brought her over one day and asked if I could find her a home. I said sure...and the rest is history.
For half of my daughters' lives and longer, Bailey has been a part of this family. At the time she came to live with us, I had another dog, Oreo, who later passed away in 2005. He had been with us for nearly 11 years, so he, too, had been a big part of my girls' lives. To this day I think of Oreo. I kept his ashes as I will keep Bailey's.
Though I still have two fantastic and loving dogs, Scooter and Bruiser, there is an emptiness in my home. I felt it as soon as I walked back in the door after leaving Bailey with the clinic. Her spirit is still here, I know, but the emptiness fills the room. She will be so dearly missed.
Bailey's declining health began about two months ago when she lost the use of her back legs due to neurological problems. I decided that as long as she was otherwise doing well, I would take care of her, keep her comfortable on clean blankets, massage her, and make sure she was fed and watered. I did find that she was having back pain which was more evident whenever I tried to move her, so I requested and got pain medication for her. Over the next few weeks she seemed much better with little to no pain.
Then about three to four weeks after she lost the use of her legs, I discovered that Bailey was suffering from congestive heart failure. She had a couple of alarming attacks, struggling for breath and her tongue turned blue, almost purple. I then got her heart medication which really turned her around. She had some down days, but overall she seemed to be getting better. She remained alert, had a very good appetite, drank regularly, and was aware of what was going on around her. I worked hard to change her blankets when they were soiled and to give her her medication without fail.
I had so hoped that Bailey would do well until my daughter, Syan, came home on leave in mid August. They were especially close as Syan would often let Bailey hang out in her room and let her sleep with her. It was always so cute to watch Bailey as she watched Syan preparing to head to her room for the night. Bailey would sit there, wriggling in anticipation, until Syan said the magic words "Come on, Bailey". She would spring into action and practically skip down the hallway with Syan as they headed off to bed together.
When I told Syan over the phone that Bailey had gotten worse and I was on my way to have her put to sleep, Syan asked if she could talk to her. I put the phone to Bailey's ear. I could see her reacting to Syan's voice. That was probably the most difficult thing from this whole experience for me.

Bailey, being a beagle, also had a bark that would shatter eardrums. When she got excited and played hard, we always braced ourselves for that high pitched, ear-splitting bark. Sometimes you could see it coming. Bailey would look at you, stock still, as her mouth slowly opened, her eyes now wild, and then let out a barrage of those beagle barks we are all familiar with. Then she'd dance around the room ready for someone to play with her. We couldn't help but laugh and smile.
Bailey was one of the sweetest, most loving dogs I've ever had. I knew no one who didn't fall in love with her at first meeting. She was a gentle soul with nothing but love to give.

Bailey suddenly took a turn for the worst over the last couple of days and I knew she would only worsen. I could see the light dimming in her eyes. She could no longer keep her head up for more than a few seconds. She barely ate over the last couple of days, too, yet eagerly drank her water with my help.
Today, when I watched as Bailey slipped away, I saw in her eyes that I was doing the right thing. There was no life in them anymore, even before the life left her body. Her eyes told me she was beyond help and ready to go. That made it easier as I caressed her head and watched her go. I cried before and I cried after and I'll probably cry some more, but I'm relieved that she does not have to suffer another minute. Out of love I took care of her when she needed my help. Out of love I let her go when she could no longer live any kind of quality existence. I am so going to miss her.

I love you, Bailey, with all my heart.