Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
How I Beat Severe Insomnia
For most of my adult life I've suffered from both chronic depression and severe insomnia. I've pretty much been able to manage my depression once I learned more about it and why it affected me, but the insomnia continued with a vengeance. I remember many nights just crying and crying because I couldn't fall asleep and had to be up in the morning for work. I knew I'd be a zombie the next day, thinking how desperately I just wanted to get back home so I could take a long nap. My "naps" often lasted 4-5 hours. This, of course, created a vicious cycle of long nap, go to bed even later because I'm not tired, can't fall asleep, go to work early in the morning, work in zombie-like state, come home, do it all over again. I wasn't "living", I was just "existing".
So, to the store I go to pick up some over-the-counter sleep aids. On occasion it seemed they would work, but more times than not, they didn't. Often I would take the recommended dose, two pills, lie down, fidget for 2-3 hours, get up again, take another pill for good measure, lie back down, fidget some more, fall asleep. Again I would suffer another miserable day in my now-familiar zombie-like state, just waiting to get back home and into bed. Another thing about over-the-counter sleep aids is this: They make you feel groggy the next morning, totally zapped of energy. I didn't feel any better the next day when I did get sleep as I did when I didn't get sleep. I just couldn't win.
I finally remembered that many years ago I had tried melatonin for my insomnia and it had worked pretty well. As with anything else, though, their effectiveness eventually dwindled to zero. Then I had a revelation. Having dealt with depression and also talking with my mom who has counseled many people in drug court, I realized that any medicine or supplement alone was not the answer. A large percentage of those in drug court suffer from some form of mental illness. Many are on various medications for their mental illness. In addition to the medications, they are encouraged to also go to counseling or some type of therapy to help them learn to cope better with their illness. The medications alone are not enough to address their special needs.
Then it hit me. Whether I was taking a sleep aid or melatonin, I needed to incorporate some kind of "therapy" of my own to get optimum results. I decided that I did not want to continue with the over-the-counter meds for several reasons: They can be expensive, especially with long-time use, they're not recommended for long-time use, anyway, there is the chance one can become dependent on them, and they made me feel groggy in the morning and throughout the day. So, I decided to give melatonin another try with my new-found method.
First, some information about melatonin. You can find it in the vitamin isle of any drug store, Walmart, etc. Here is the best description I've found at MayoClinic.com explaining what melatonin is:
"Melatonin is a hormone produced in the brain by the pineal gland from the amino acid tryptophan. The synthesis and release of melatonin are stimulated by darkness and suppressed by light, suggesting the involvement of melatonin in circadian rhythm and regulation of diverse body functions. Levels of melatonin in the blood are highest prior to bedtime.
Synthetic melatonin supplements have been used for a variety of medical conditions, most notably for disorders related to sleep.
Melatonin possesses antioxidant activity, and many of its proposed therapeutic or preventive uses are based on this property. "
You can learn more on this site about various studies involving melatonin and many other possible benefits arising from the use of melatonin. Most studies are not definitive and require more research. There are, however, many promising studies about it's effect on cancer, sleep disorders, diabetes, and more.
I am not a doctor, so though melatonin can be purchased over-the-counter, you may want to consult your physician before starting any kind of regimen with this supplement. This is just my experience that I want to pass on to others who may find relief the way I have.
So, back to how I conquered my insomnia. First of all, I sleep with a LOUD fan every night, all year long. White noise can be very calming, and I absolutely cannot sleep without the soothing sound of a loud fan. It helps to drown out noises, and for me, absolute quiet drives me crazy. I also sleep with a DVD playing of one of my favorite shows that I've watched a million times before. I keep the sound just high enough to hear the dialogue, but not too loud to prevent me from slipping into comfort mode. I never put on an exciting movie or something I haven't seen before. My choices are usually a DVD of Gilligan's Island shows, Looney Tunes, or Abbott and Costello. Yes, I'm a nut. Somehow these shows are very comforting to me and help me to relax. Some people like to listen to music (That would kill any chance of me falling asleep!), or enjoy complete quiet. Whatever works for you, just do it.
Just before I head to bed, I take three 3 mg tablets of melatonin. My dachshund, Scooter, knows it's bedtime when I take the melatonin and excitedly heads for his kennel. Bruiser, my black lab/pekingese mix, is not so anxious to be put in his kennel for the night, so he usually tries to hide under my computer desk. Anyway, I take the melatonin, put the dogs in their kennels with their much expected, and deserved biscuit, turn off the lights, and head to bed. I do all the same rituals I do every night: Put on DVD, make sure fan is going full blast, brush my teeth, say goodnight to the sugar gliders and hedgehog, pee, then jump into bed. Then I begin the most important ritual of the night to ensure a great night's sleep.
Once I lie down and get comfy, I think of a word, or even a combination of words. It's my little game and I can play it however I want. It has to be a fairly big word or combination of words. For instance, I might think of the word countryside, or a combination like carpet fibers. The game is much easier to play if there is at least one "e" and one "s". Now, once I've chosen my word or words, I try to think of how many words are within that word. If I find my mind drifting to something I might be worrying about, I just tell myself to get back to the word. As I lie there, I find my body relaxing as the melatonin takes effect. As that is happening, I'm fully concentrating on my word game: Countryside - country, side, count, counts, court, courts, cry, cries, cried, and so on. Not only does this help me to fall asleep within 20-25 minutes on average, it also is a great way to keep my mind sharp (or so I'd like to think!).
There are very rare occasions when even the melatonin and word games don't help me fall asleep, but they are few and far between. Usually on those particular nights I have issues with restless legs which can really interfere with my ability to sleep.
I have been taking melatonin in conjunction with my little word game for about 2 years now. Prior to that I would literally lie in bed for hours and hours, unable to fall asleep. Now I fall asleep usually within 25 minutes. When I wake up in the morning, I don't have that groggy feeling that over-the-counter sleep aids always caused me. I am still grumpy, that will never change. I require that no one speak to me for at least an hour and to let me get my first sip of coffee before I am ready to engage in any type of conversation. At least I'm not a groggy grump :P.
For others, maybe the word game won't work for you, however, the point is to busy your mind with something that will help you push away the thoughts and worries that plague so many of us when all we want to do is sleep. I've read that counting sheep may not be such a good idea, but counting backwards from 300 can work well for some people. I love words, so the word game is great for me. It still amazes me to think I can fall asleep so quickly after years and years of sleepless nights, of hours and hours of tossing and turning, even crying out of total frustration. The only time I really need a nap these days is if I intentionally went to bed too late and had to get up too early. I require about nine hours sleep to function well the next day. This is another discovery I made about my sleep habits. Some people can function just fine on 4-5 hours of sleep or the recommended eight. Not this kid, nope, not me. Nine hours for me makes a world of difference in how I function the next day. That's something else you need to consider. What is your sleep requirement? Do you need more...or less?
I hope this helps others to see that maybe they just need to find something else to work in conjunction with their sleep aids, whether it be melatonin, over-the-counter sleep aids, or prescription sleep aids. We're a society who counts so much on what meds can do for us, expecting them to be the cure-all for whatever ails us. But the bottom line is this: The meds are an aid, they are not the cure. You have to change what you're doing to get the most out of whatever medications you are using. This is true with anti-depressants, sleep aids, blood pressure pills, etc. If you don't change your habits, the medication, whether it's for a mental or physical illness, will not be nearly as effective.
So, with that, I wish everyone the best sleep ever from this point on. If my way doesn't work for you, just keep trying new methods. You'll find one that works for you. Just be persistent, don't give up. I thought I was destined to suffer severe insomnia for the rest of my life, but I found what finally works for me. Maybe it'll work for you. Sweet dreams everyone!
So, to the store I go to pick up some over-the-counter sleep aids. On occasion it seemed they would work, but more times than not, they didn't. Often I would take the recommended dose, two pills, lie down, fidget for 2-3 hours, get up again, take another pill for good measure, lie back down, fidget some more, fall asleep. Again I would suffer another miserable day in my now-familiar zombie-like state, just waiting to get back home and into bed. Another thing about over-the-counter sleep aids is this: They make you feel groggy the next morning, totally zapped of energy. I didn't feel any better the next day when I did get sleep as I did when I didn't get sleep. I just couldn't win.
I finally remembered that many years ago I had tried melatonin for my insomnia and it had worked pretty well. As with anything else, though, their effectiveness eventually dwindled to zero. Then I had a revelation. Having dealt with depression and also talking with my mom who has counseled many people in drug court, I realized that any medicine or supplement alone was not the answer. A large percentage of those in drug court suffer from some form of mental illness. Many are on various medications for their mental illness. In addition to the medications, they are encouraged to also go to counseling or some type of therapy to help them learn to cope better with their illness. The medications alone are not enough to address their special needs.
Then it hit me. Whether I was taking a sleep aid or melatonin, I needed to incorporate some kind of "therapy" of my own to get optimum results. I decided that I did not want to continue with the over-the-counter meds for several reasons: They can be expensive, especially with long-time use, they're not recommended for long-time use, anyway, there is the chance one can become dependent on them, and they made me feel groggy in the morning and throughout the day. So, I decided to give melatonin another try with my new-found method.
First, some information about melatonin. You can find it in the vitamin isle of any drug store, Walmart, etc. Here is the best description I've found at MayoClinic.com explaining what melatonin is:
"Melatonin is a hormone produced in the brain by the pineal gland from the amino acid tryptophan. The synthesis and release of melatonin are stimulated by darkness and suppressed by light, suggesting the involvement of melatonin in circadian rhythm and regulation of diverse body functions. Levels of melatonin in the blood are highest prior to bedtime.
Synthetic melatonin supplements have been used for a variety of medical conditions, most notably for disorders related to sleep.
Melatonin possesses antioxidant activity, and many of its proposed therapeutic or preventive uses are based on this property. "
You can learn more on this site about various studies involving melatonin and many other possible benefits arising from the use of melatonin. Most studies are not definitive and require more research. There are, however, many promising studies about it's effect on cancer, sleep disorders, diabetes, and more.
I am not a doctor, so though melatonin can be purchased over-the-counter, you may want to consult your physician before starting any kind of regimen with this supplement. This is just my experience that I want to pass on to others who may find relief the way I have.
So, back to how I conquered my insomnia. First of all, I sleep with a LOUD fan every night, all year long. White noise can be very calming, and I absolutely cannot sleep without the soothing sound of a loud fan. It helps to drown out noises, and for me, absolute quiet drives me crazy. I also sleep with a DVD playing of one of my favorite shows that I've watched a million times before. I keep the sound just high enough to hear the dialogue, but not too loud to prevent me from slipping into comfort mode. I never put on an exciting movie or something I haven't seen before. My choices are usually a DVD of Gilligan's Island shows, Looney Tunes, or Abbott and Costello. Yes, I'm a nut. Somehow these shows are very comforting to me and help me to relax. Some people like to listen to music (That would kill any chance of me falling asleep!), or enjoy complete quiet. Whatever works for you, just do it.
Just before I head to bed, I take three 3 mg tablets of melatonin. My dachshund, Scooter, knows it's bedtime when I take the melatonin and excitedly heads for his kennel. Bruiser, my black lab/pekingese mix, is not so anxious to be put in his kennel for the night, so he usually tries to hide under my computer desk. Anyway, I take the melatonin, put the dogs in their kennels with their much expected, and deserved biscuit, turn off the lights, and head to bed. I do all the same rituals I do every night: Put on DVD, make sure fan is going full blast, brush my teeth, say goodnight to the sugar gliders and hedgehog, pee, then jump into bed. Then I begin the most important ritual of the night to ensure a great night's sleep.
Once I lie down and get comfy, I think of a word, or even a combination of words. It's my little game and I can play it however I want. It has to be a fairly big word or combination of words. For instance, I might think of the word countryside, or a combination like carpet fibers. The game is much easier to play if there is at least one "e" and one "s". Now, once I've chosen my word or words, I try to think of how many words are within that word. If I find my mind drifting to something I might be worrying about, I just tell myself to get back to the word. As I lie there, I find my body relaxing as the melatonin takes effect. As that is happening, I'm fully concentrating on my word game: Countryside - country, side, count, counts, court, courts, cry, cries, cried, and so on. Not only does this help me to fall asleep within 20-25 minutes on average, it also is a great way to keep my mind sharp (or so I'd like to think!).
There are very rare occasions when even the melatonin and word games don't help me fall asleep, but they are few and far between. Usually on those particular nights I have issues with restless legs which can really interfere with my ability to sleep.
I have been taking melatonin in conjunction with my little word game for about 2 years now. Prior to that I would literally lie in bed for hours and hours, unable to fall asleep. Now I fall asleep usually within 25 minutes. When I wake up in the morning, I don't have that groggy feeling that over-the-counter sleep aids always caused me. I am still grumpy, that will never change. I require that no one speak to me for at least an hour and to let me get my first sip of coffee before I am ready to engage in any type of conversation. At least I'm not a groggy grump :P.
For others, maybe the word game won't work for you, however, the point is to busy your mind with something that will help you push away the thoughts and worries that plague so many of us when all we want to do is sleep. I've read that counting sheep may not be such a good idea, but counting backwards from 300 can work well for some people. I love words, so the word game is great for me. It still amazes me to think I can fall asleep so quickly after years and years of sleepless nights, of hours and hours of tossing and turning, even crying out of total frustration. The only time I really need a nap these days is if I intentionally went to bed too late and had to get up too early. I require about nine hours sleep to function well the next day. This is another discovery I made about my sleep habits. Some people can function just fine on 4-5 hours of sleep or the recommended eight. Not this kid, nope, not me. Nine hours for me makes a world of difference in how I function the next day. That's something else you need to consider. What is your sleep requirement? Do you need more...or less?
I hope this helps others to see that maybe they just need to find something else to work in conjunction with their sleep aids, whether it be melatonin, over-the-counter sleep aids, or prescription sleep aids. We're a society who counts so much on what meds can do for us, expecting them to be the cure-all for whatever ails us. But the bottom line is this: The meds are an aid, they are not the cure. You have to change what you're doing to get the most out of whatever medications you are using. This is true with anti-depressants, sleep aids, blood pressure pills, etc. If you don't change your habits, the medication, whether it's for a mental or physical illness, will not be nearly as effective.
So, with that, I wish everyone the best sleep ever from this point on. If my way doesn't work for you, just keep trying new methods. You'll find one that works for you. Just be persistent, don't give up. I thought I was destined to suffer severe insomnia for the rest of my life, but I found what finally works for me. Maybe it'll work for you. Sweet dreams everyone!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
In Memory of Bailey, Forever in My Heart
Today is both a sad day and a day of relief. I just arrived back home from having my wonderful beagle, Bailey, euthanized at the vet's office. Bailey was 15 years old and such an integral part of my family. Though she lived a long and happy life, losing her is still so very painful.
Bailey came to my family in the summer of 1999. I had a friend at the time, a police officer, who had found Bailey about a year before, walking along a highway, emaciated and in bad shape. He took her in, got her the care she needed, and gave her a home. Unfortunately for him, but fortunately for me and my daughters, my friend was transferring to a new department and could not take Bailey with him. He brought her over one day and asked if I could find her a home. I said sure...and the rest is history.
For half of my daughters' lives and longer, Bailey has been a part of this family. At the time she came to live with us, I had another dog, Oreo, who later passed away in 2005. He had been with us for nearly 11 years, so he, too, had been a big part of my girls' lives. To this day I think of Oreo. I kept his ashes as I will keep Bailey's.
Though I still have two fantastic and loving dogs, Scooter and Bruiser, there is an emptiness in my home. I felt it as soon as I walked back in the door after leaving Bailey with the clinic. Her spirit is still here, I know, but the emptiness fills the room. She will be so dearly missed.
Bailey's declining health began about two months ago when she lost the use of her back legs due to neurological problems. I decided that as long as she was otherwise doing well, I would take care of her, keep her comfortable on clean blankets, massage her, and make sure she was fed and watered. I did find that she was having back pain which was more evident whenever I tried to move her, so I requested and got pain medication for her. Over the next few weeks she seemed much better with little to no pain.
Then about three to four weeks after she lost the use of her legs, I discovered that Bailey was suffering from congestive heart failure. She had a couple of alarming attacks, struggling for breath and her tongue turned blue, almost purple. I then got her heart medication which really turned her around. She had some down days, but overall she seemed to be getting better. She remained alert, had a very good appetite, drank regularly, and was aware of what was going on around her. I worked hard to change her blankets when they were soiled and to give her her medication without fail.
I had so hoped that Bailey would do well until my daughter, Syan, came home on leave in mid August. They were especially close as Syan would often let Bailey hang out in her room and let her sleep with her. It was always so cute to watch Bailey as she watched Syan preparing to head to her room for the night. Bailey would sit there, wriggling in anticipation, until Syan said the magic words "Come on, Bailey". She would spring into action and practically skip down the hallway with Syan as they headed off to bed together.
When I told Syan over the phone that Bailey had gotten worse and I was on my way to have her put to sleep, Syan asked if she could talk to her. I put the phone to Bailey's ear. I could see her reacting to Syan's voice. That was probably the most difficult thing from this whole experience for me.
Bailey, being a beagle, also had a bark that would shatter eardrums. When she got excited and played hard, we always braced ourselves for that high pitched, ear-splitting bark. Sometimes you could see it coming. Bailey would look at you, stock still, as her mouth slowly opened, her eyes now wild, and then let out a barrage of those beagle barks we are all familiar with. Then she'd dance around the room ready for someone to play with her. We couldn't help but laugh and smile.
Bailey was one of the sweetest, most loving dogs I've ever had. I knew no one who didn't fall in love with her at first meeting. She was a gentle soul with nothing but love to give.
Bailey suddenly took a turn for the worst over the last couple of days and I knew she would only worsen. I could see the light dimming in her eyes. She could no longer keep her head up for more than a few seconds. She barely ate over the last couple of days, too, yet eagerly drank her water with my help.
Today, when I watched as Bailey slipped away, I saw in her eyes that I was doing the right thing. There was no life in them anymore, even before the life left her body. Her eyes told me she was beyond help and ready to go. That made it easier as I caressed her head and watched her go. I cried before and I cried after and I'll probably cry some more, but I'm relieved that she does not have to suffer another minute. Out of love I took care of her when she needed my help. Out of love I let her go when she could no longer live any kind of quality existence. I am so going to miss her.
I love you, Bailey, with all my heart.
Bailey came to my family in the summer of 1999. I had a friend at the time, a police officer, who had found Bailey about a year before, walking along a highway, emaciated and in bad shape. He took her in, got her the care she needed, and gave her a home. Unfortunately for him, but fortunately for me and my daughters, my friend was transferring to a new department and could not take Bailey with him. He brought her over one day and asked if I could find her a home. I said sure...and the rest is history.
For half of my daughters' lives and longer, Bailey has been a part of this family. At the time she came to live with us, I had another dog, Oreo, who later passed away in 2005. He had been with us for nearly 11 years, so he, too, had been a big part of my girls' lives. To this day I think of Oreo. I kept his ashes as I will keep Bailey's.
Though I still have two fantastic and loving dogs, Scooter and Bruiser, there is an emptiness in my home. I felt it as soon as I walked back in the door after leaving Bailey with the clinic. Her spirit is still here, I know, but the emptiness fills the room. She will be so dearly missed.
Bailey's declining health began about two months ago when she lost the use of her back legs due to neurological problems. I decided that as long as she was otherwise doing well, I would take care of her, keep her comfortable on clean blankets, massage her, and make sure she was fed and watered. I did find that she was having back pain which was more evident whenever I tried to move her, so I requested and got pain medication for her. Over the next few weeks she seemed much better with little to no pain.
Then about three to four weeks after she lost the use of her legs, I discovered that Bailey was suffering from congestive heart failure. She had a couple of alarming attacks, struggling for breath and her tongue turned blue, almost purple. I then got her heart medication which really turned her around. She had some down days, but overall she seemed to be getting better. She remained alert, had a very good appetite, drank regularly, and was aware of what was going on around her. I worked hard to change her blankets when they were soiled and to give her her medication without fail.
I had so hoped that Bailey would do well until my daughter, Syan, came home on leave in mid August. They were especially close as Syan would often let Bailey hang out in her room and let her sleep with her. It was always so cute to watch Bailey as she watched Syan preparing to head to her room for the night. Bailey would sit there, wriggling in anticipation, until Syan said the magic words "Come on, Bailey". She would spring into action and practically skip down the hallway with Syan as they headed off to bed together.
When I told Syan over the phone that Bailey had gotten worse and I was on my way to have her put to sleep, Syan asked if she could talk to her. I put the phone to Bailey's ear. I could see her reacting to Syan's voice. That was probably the most difficult thing from this whole experience for me.
Bailey, being a beagle, also had a bark that would shatter eardrums. When she got excited and played hard, we always braced ourselves for that high pitched, ear-splitting bark. Sometimes you could see it coming. Bailey would look at you, stock still, as her mouth slowly opened, her eyes now wild, and then let out a barrage of those beagle barks we are all familiar with. Then she'd dance around the room ready for someone to play with her. We couldn't help but laugh and smile.
Bailey was one of the sweetest, most loving dogs I've ever had. I knew no one who didn't fall in love with her at first meeting. She was a gentle soul with nothing but love to give.
Bailey suddenly took a turn for the worst over the last couple of days and I knew she would only worsen. I could see the light dimming in her eyes. She could no longer keep her head up for more than a few seconds. She barely ate over the last couple of days, too, yet eagerly drank her water with my help.
Today, when I watched as Bailey slipped away, I saw in her eyes that I was doing the right thing. There was no life in them anymore, even before the life left her body. Her eyes told me she was beyond help and ready to go. That made it easier as I caressed her head and watched her go. I cried before and I cried after and I'll probably cry some more, but I'm relieved that she does not have to suffer another minute. Out of love I took care of her when she needed my help. Out of love I let her go when she could no longer live any kind of quality existence. I am so going to miss her.
I love you, Bailey, with all my heart.
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